Panels absorb their energy from the sunlight. Burning heat waves hover above each one creating a layer of translucent life. It’s real but it’s not or so it seems. Those mysterious giggling, shaking and pulsing lines of what is. So familiar is the space between life in solid form and death in vapor. Yet the sunlight shimmers and shines on both. Choosing the reality of which state to continue living in. Both are very real. As in grief, the reactions are so very personal. Some cry outwardly and some get angry hiding their desperate feelings. Which do you find more livable for you? Being a panel just taking in all the rays will produce energy whether you use it or not. As the sunflowers face the rays head on or the weeping willow bows down to the ground. How do you react to the energy still filling your space? Solar or soul are? Do both light up everything that is? Let me in and love you as you are whether it’s solid or invisible in form. Grief hurts and love hurts both are exactly the same badge of honor worn by the courageous survivors of loss. Let Those panels collecting sun rays remind you of the energy that can be harnessed and shared between both this world and the next.
So many different people in one. You shock me with all your multiple personalities. Mocking one minute and sensitive the next. Which is the true you? Blended all together I suppose. Simplicity supreme rules this moment in time. Raffia floating in your gentle breeze. Today was a brilliant step forward. A freestyle surfer riding freely on top of the waves. Yes, each twist and turn brings the prism clearer. All your mysterious colors glistening in the sunlight. Never loosing faith just taking you as you are. My diamond and your heart. Fearing nothing any longer. Committed to self love while sharing the beauty within. Bring on the tears of joy as you see it’s always been (I am) all along.
Feather fluttering in the wind. Gently floating then falling again. No plans for the future or thoughts of yesterday. Empty reflections in the wheel. Searching deeply in her own eyes yet not recognizing truth. Seeing only images of herself. She keeps trying to scare her mirror away, of course it mimics her. Behind that task was already done. All is completed nothing more to do. She runs from one food bin to the other. Pecking and scratching the surface below. No longer motivated by hunger or satisfaction, just repeating mindless actions. It’s all over, why bother dreaming ahead. Life’s beautiful mysteries have all been said. Not one thing she wants to see, not one desire she needs to complete. Having experienced the best of the best, there seems no reason to live for the rest. Never lonely always aware of all the images of herself out there. To be empty is better than full. Emptiness inspires a filling. Being full leaves no room in the inn. As stated before, she has no reason to start again. Not a chicken or a turkey, she has her own identity. Fully vested as a pedigree this life long guinea fowl comes from royalty.
Humming smoothly right on track. Moving forward without looking back. Feelings of empathy bursting through tears. Making new memories expelling all fears. Onward and upward keep zooming ahead. Looking behind won’t bring back the dead. Life everlasting in a spiritual form. Keep searching for clarity during this storm. I love you forever hasn’t changed. Just the way that is possible has been rearranged. Triggers cause momentary roadblocks of pain. Emotional heartache that feels insane. Again the humming of the engine brings me back. Surrounded by masks and sterile garbage sacks. Flying cuts the leashes binding me down. This different way of survival is found. How can things continue on, since the moment that changed everything still isn’t gone. Grief takes time, there is no easy way. Just keep on breathing without delay. Each moment is another day. Looking down from heaven, you can see me here. Inside this plane, I feel you even stronger. The closer it is to those pearly gates. One day I’ll join you. For now I have to wait.
Charlie Brown was always saying “Good Grief.” Is that a truth? Is grief actually good? One step forward feels like a million miles. The river continues to flow while carving deeper craters on its sides. There is no quick way to navigate the waves of grief. In the end… there is technically no end with life everlasting being the truth. Just an ending of this earthly form. With the state of worldly events so stark the heart looks forward to that new life. The beautiful everlasting life beyond. But what of the kindness and love still here in the now? Time chooses its own end and until then, this is the here and now. The rain drops and sunshine still dominate nature. In deep reflection the grief is good. You are right Charlie Brown. Time is limitless and love is eternal.
Crashing waves haunt me still. Chocolate bars and cigarette kisses are romantic memories now. Was it an infant porpoise or dolphin wedged lifeless against the jetty? Staring sideways at me as it churned and bobbed. Red was the name of the sea that day but it was actually colored a translucent gray. On a large rock sat I. Looking out trying to guess where the sea ended and the sky began. The only sound was the slapping of that Dead Sea angel. The other side of the world was calling me and yet without you it all seemed futile . Here or there made no difference at all. My heart had only one compass that only knew you as it’s North. Patience was the virtue I inherited from that day. Regardless of the circumstances, the waves continued to repeat the perpetual cycles of time. In and out they created a rhythmically mesmerizing symphony. The deflated form that once held life added another sound to the music. My own breathing was competing with my heartbeat, both louder than ever before. Then I knew without a thought. The next step presented itself as I leapt into the sea. The answer was movement, that alone was assured. Even in death somehow life continues. Slowly my arms accepted my fate, either sink or swim. There was no other option. I took the plunge while locking the beautiful heartfelt moments inside. Forward I swam becoming one with the earths pulse. The calling was clear as the sky whispered Keep on going forward.
Gardenias cover the knit green sweater. Leather worn boots hold imprints still. Lumpy couch exhausted from past pleasures. Stained carpet patches in front of the fire. All these reminders. Just pieces of you. Hospitals, doctors and beeping through the night have faded away. Gentle smiles and kind tears replace begging eyes and pleading hearts. Yet these memories are also pieces of you. Building a lifetime that seemed so endless but halted much too soon. Twinkling stars reflected by the moon just a few magnificent pieces of you. Continued moments? How could this be? One foot before the next. Every moment was a blessing not realized at the time. One more lazy, Sunday afternoon, sitting by the pond. Discussing nonsense but mainly feeling each others presence. Once more reflecting on pieces of you. Continuously flooding events in mind. Always so many Pieces of You!
Oxygen coming from machines all around. Christmas echoes a peaceful sound. Cartons of milk sitting on the shelf. You lay in the bed fighting for life. Can’t get enough air in your lungs. Have all of mine please I’ll give you some. Trading places is what I will do if possible I’d gladly switch with you. Cancer sucks, so easy to say! just wish it wasn’t my vocabulary today. Jesus loves you on the white board above. I’m positive that was written with unstoppable love. The Maldives are Islands far away from here. Hopefully they remain beautiful and peaceful this year. Mind starting to drift visiting dreamland it seems. Realities tough as I witness this scene. Glorious reminder that miracles occur. Each tiny snowflake so exquisite and unique flutters down from heaven above. The extraordinary beauty that surrounds this planet. Blessed with blueberry, strawberry and grape. Seasons, flavors and other shapes. Holidays, celebrating and deep throated kisses. Interesting how inhaling in and out makes life exist. Breathe in the flowers blow out the candle. Mass
Book of face or so it’s called currently lines universal halls. Artificial intelligence replaces common sense in outer space. Deception with endless smiles hang on the walls of Ethernet continuing for miles. Stories, riddles and silly rhymes, descriptions of happier times. Illusions create jealousy and strife as each desires the others life. Reality of darkened rooms with screens glowing in that dark. Pains and passions swirled into one. The web of internet intertwined assuring all receive the lies. Minds being numbed as each clock ticks on. Nano seconds spiraling and pulsing endless muck. Who’s face is really answering words spewed across the glistening glass? A group of scammers in Nigeria or a hermit on a mountain high? Mounds of dreams, hopes and fears kneaded into dough. Massaging each ball into someone’s bread of life while baking the facade. Believe in Gods eternal grace and not this new invisible farce. Internet of spinning beams that fill our heads with evil schemes. Prayers heard by our heavenly host never brag, force or boast. Be steadfast in your inner strength, listen to your core belief and turn from the internet thief. Instagram and chat of snap only slice a micro shot of what is really happening so don’t be lead by that false dream. Nothing has replaced old fashioned hard work and creativity. Hold your heads high and pull up your sleeves. Acknowledge that what you think you understand isn’t all there is. So kiss your friends and hug your kids and say goodbye to fear. Your greatest joys are yet to be if you uncover your ears.