The years

I’ve breathed the fire and felt the freeze. Done all I could to please. Moments of deep sensitive care. Other ones in depths of despair. Forever seems such a frivolous word. If only your whispers of joy I heard. When painful moans became all so familiar, my heart began to sink in the muck. Longing for the days of old, I began a facade to create as bold. All I wanted was again your hand to hold. Once again our fleeting youth appears. Those many years of work and toil. We certainly laughed and built our dream. It was only shattered when the physical gave out. Enjoy your youth was a constant message. We certainly did, that’s all I need say. Thank God for the days of child rearing together. Our physical health didn’t get in the way. Mountains of adventure and experience galore. My career was our family. For that I adore. Whatever the future holds, this great mystery. I’ll handle it with dignity. Thank you for being the golden boy dream. Majestic, handsome king to my Queen.

Depth

Brilliant greens, blues and browns as the earth goes round and round. Each a blending of the next giving ever ending rest. Simplicity is natures rule as society deems life’s cruel. The answer isn’t complicated just overthinking is overrated. Birth and death and the in between. Not much else beyond the scheme. Creating much out of the same mud leads to intermittent crud. successes and deep dives in faith result in the happy place. Exploring deep in the abyss will reward with an empty kiss. Free your brain while feeling within. Let the soothing of the wind teach you how to live again.

Words of my heart

Words of my heart pour onto the page. Full of emotions from love to grief rage. Life threatening memories linger in my mind. The tenderest memories only for me to know. That angelic silver glimmer as bodies ascend. The looking upward as life drains within. Massive frustration going through the fight when the only option left was saying goodnight. My tears flow buckets while my body gives out. Nothing more to be done but to release the doubt. Bottled up words hidden deep in the throat. Fumbling fingers reach in the pockets of the coat. There in the deepest corner I feel the last tissue held when my heart surrendered. The words of my heart again remembered.

New year’s Eve 2021

Out with the old and bring on the new. Previously on the journey of life… sadness beyond description and overwhelming joy. Running under pressure from here to there. Prayers of peace flowing freely into heaven. Begging for the chance to be with you again. Resting reassured that time will come soon. How many more years before my mission is complete? Taking a sabbatical without an end in sight. Thoughts racing on this New Year’s Eve night. Trying to push away the dreams for 2022. Life is unbearable to continue without you. How can this world continue to spin? Without you in it I’m not going to last. It’s not that easy to make you the past. I loved you before I was even conceived. My mother and father for eternity. Brother Bob always on my mind. I refuse to say goodbye. Let your star lights shine.

Blessings

Love is all that matters in the end. Karma created the tin man out of her. The scarecrow the other has always been. The courageous lion Now sweetly roars. A heart, a brain, and courage were given. The gifts of the spirit entered each one. Praise to the father from whom all are bound. Safe from the evil that each dagger flew. Without the heart and brain they both failed at their plan. It was the courage from above that protected her hand. Gratitude flows from every pore. God’s beautiful blessings forever more.

Air

The description of certain sounds is indescribable. Air flowing out of a portable air conditioner fills this empty space creating an energy of its own. Closing my eyes makes me believe I’m on an airplane traveling again. The steady hum replicating the air vents sound inside the cabin on the commercial plane. Soothing and coaxing me to sleep. Planes have been my life really. Taking me here and there. Constantly new adventures to explore. Staying one place for an extended period of time can be considered claustrophobic. This pandemic has shut the freedom of unplanned travel down. Air as in airport and aerodynamic has a definite appeal to me. Yet just to hear the wind can suffice in a pinch. Closing my eyes and listening to the air. Inhaling and exhaling through myself. Hauntingly beautiful is the sound of air.

Solar

Panels absorb their energy from the sunlight. Burning heat waves hover above each one creating a layer of translucent life. It’s real but it’s not or so it seems. Those mysterious giggling, shaking and pulsing lines of what is. So familiar is the space between life in solid form and death in vapor. Yet the sunlight shimmers and shines on both. Choosing the reality of which state to continue living in. Both are very real. As in grief, the reactions are so very personal. Some cry outwardly and some get angry hiding their desperate feelings. Which do you find more livable for you? Being a panel just taking in all the rays will produce energy whether you use it or not. As the sunflowers face the rays head on or the weeping willow bows down to the ground. How do you react to the energy still filling your space? Solar or soul are? Do both light up everything that is? Let me in and love you as you are whether it’s solid or invisible in form. Grief hurts and love hurts both are exactly the same badge of honor worn by the courageous survivors of loss. Let Those panels collecting sun rays remind you of the energy that can be harnessed and shared between both this world and the next.

Versions of you

So many different people in one. You shock me with all your multiple personalities. Mocking one minute and sensitive the next. Which is the true you? Blended all together I suppose. Simplicity supreme rules this moment in time. Raffia floating in your gentle breeze. Today was a brilliant step forward. A freestyle surfer riding freely on top of the waves. Yes, each twist and turn brings the prism clearer. All your mysterious colors glistening in the sunlight. Never loosing faith just taking you as you are. My diamond and your heart. Fearing nothing any longer. Committed to self love while sharing the beauty within. Bring on the tears of joy as you see it’s always been (I am) all along.

Felicia

Feather fluttering in the wind. Gently floating then falling again. No plans for the future or thoughts of yesterday. Empty reflections in the wheel. Searching deeply in her own eyes yet not recognizing truth. Seeing only images of herself. She keeps trying to scare her mirror away, of course it mimics her. Behind that task was already done. All is completed nothing more to do. She runs from one food bin to the other. Pecking and scratching the surface below. No longer motivated by hunger or satisfaction, just repeating mindless actions. It’s all over, why bother dreaming ahead. Life’s beautiful mysteries have all been said. Not one thing she wants to see, not one desire she needs to complete. Having experienced the best of the best, there seems no reason to live for the rest. Never lonely always aware of all the images of herself out there. To be empty is better than full. Emptiness inspires a filling. Being full leaves no room in the inn. As stated before, she has no reason to start again. Not a chicken or a turkey, she has her own identity. Fully vested as a pedigree this life long guinea fowl comes from royalty.